Tuesday, 2 April 2013

I Survived A Choc-Free Easter

Is this year flying by, or what?! Easter has been and gone already! Wow. 

Me at Christmas
I have something to share with you today, in a different vein than my usual posts. I survived a chocolate-free Easter. My first ever. Yes, it is possible!! "But why would you want to?" I hear you ask. Good question! One I shall endeavour to give my personal answer to below...

A while back, I shared a photo of the dress I wore on my first date with my hubby, and told you of my journey to a healthier lifestyle, and how I hope by the end of this year to fit into this dress that I have not worn for almost 8 years. What I didn't tell you was that this journey is so much more than a "get fit, eat healthy" journey. This is a journey to freedom. Freedom from what? Freedom from compulsive, emotionally-driven eating. 

There. I said it. It is hard to admit it even to myself, but I have developed an unhealthy relationship to food. Especially chocolate. I have shared in the past about my difficulty in coming to terms with certain details about my son's birth, and adjusting to being a Mum to two kids. Well, one way that I dealt with some of the day-to-day stress of those adjustments was to eat.  "I just need an energy boost to get me through the day," I would tell myself, while breaking off a row of chocolate and shoving it into my mouth, out of sight of the kids. Ahhh...what sweet comfort chocolate gives. For about five minutes. Then I would want more. I would try to make the block last a week, but too often, would consume it in a day. Not once, not twice, but over and over. Week after week. 

At first I didn't seem to see any weight gain, but as soon as I stopped breastfeeding my son, I piled on the weight. But I couldn't stop eating chocolate. If I kept myself from buying chocolate, I would scrounge around in my pantry until I could find something to substitute. Condensed milk and cocoa, or with peanut butter - not the same but it would do. Or I'd go for a carb fix of a different type - corn chips. Lots and lots of yummy, crunchy corn chips. 

I feel so ashamed admitting this, but allowing food to have power over me was something that I never thought would happen to ME. Realising I couldn't stop was not enough to make me do something about it. It took photos from a family do just before Christmas to make me see just how much my body had changed, and just how unhappy I was to go on living enslaved to food. One last hurrah at Christmas, then I determined to make some changes. Twenty kilograms (roughly 44 pounds) in one year, that was my goal. Preferably in six months, if I could. Well, three months have passed and I am only 500g away from being half-way to that goal! Yes, that truly is something to celebrate, but how shall I celebrate it? I used to eat chocolate to celebrate!

Losing weight was not my only goal. A bigger goal was to reclaim the freedom to eat chocolate with restraint. From the start, I knew that the only way I could get to this point was to forgo chocolate altogether - abstain from chocolate entirely, for a period of time. Until my 30th birthday in June. 

Which of course, meant a chocolate-free Easter. 

Do you know, I honestly thought I would feel hard-done-by. That I would find it difficult not to have a little pity party about being surrounded by chocolate but not able to eat any. But I can joyfully tell you this is not the case. 

Me today
I FEEL FREE!! I have had the best Easter ever, in some ways, as I have not had any guilt, self-hatred, sugar lows, and to top it all off, I felt like my heart was so much more free to focus on the sacrifice Jesus made for me that first Easter. And, here I am today, with my son asleep, my daughter at her grandparents' place, the house to myself, with a couple bowls of Easter eggs the kids were given, along with two of my favourite Lindt chocolate bunnies...and I know with absolute certainty that I am not going to touch any of it. That thought makes me smile. 

Now, don't get me wrong - I have had many moments of feeling weak. On those "bad" days when everything seemed to be going wrong, and all I wanted to do was dive off the wagon into a bowl full of chocolate (yes, I actually fantasized about that on more than one occasion!). But that just showed me all the more how chocolate had been a substitute for what my soul was truly craving. It wasn't a quick-fix I needed, it was Eternal Strength. It wasn't a sugar high that I needed, which would send me crashing down to a lower low afterwards, it was a moment to rest in the Everlasting Arms. And I am learning that, in less time than it takes to unwrap a block of chocolate, break off a row and consume all traces of that row before children burst into the room, I can actually turn my heart to God and ask Him to provide the strength, perspective, refreshing that I need. The effects last longer than chocolate, it doesn't cost anything (except my pride), and there is no self-hatred or guilt afterwards!!! EPIC WIN!!! 

Now, to get to the point where I can allow myself just one piece of chocolate, savour and enjoy it, but stop at that.



13 comments:

  1. Wow, well done! I've gone chocolate-free (and completely sugar free) for various reasons over the last year and wish I could give you a big hug for hanging in there!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Lovely! I have cut out processed sugar, just eating fruit and occasionally honey and I just can't imagine how hard it must be to cut out all sugar completely! Thanks for your encouragement on the journey :)

      Delete
  2. thats amazing Candy! great job and what courage to face the darkness within yourself and lean on God. My prayer is that you can keep on moving into strength and freedom. xox

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Al! It has certainly been an interesting journey, through which I am learning a lot about myself! Thanks for praying, appreciate it! xoxo

      Delete
  3. Hats off to you Candy! I am a chocoholic, but I also don't drink tea or coffee, so a few bits of chocolate is my 'hit' each day. I have cut down on that myself though, as I too am trying to lose a bit of the weight I've put on since having 3 kids and turning 30. You look fabulous too, by the way :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kathryn, I look forward to the day when I can eat one or two pieces without compulsively going back for more (and more and more)! Age changes the way our bodies work, doesn't it! As does having kids, in a big way. Blessings on your journey too. xoxo

      Delete
  4. Well done on your journey so far. Nearly 10kgs in 3 months is fantastic as is the inner strength you have learnt. All the best with your continuing adventure x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kelly! I really appreciate the encouragement :)

      Delete
  5. You go girl!!! Looking fabulous! And with the best source of strength ever, you have already won *hug*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks darling! Your support is so wonderful, and you are an inspiration to me.xoxo

      Delete
  6. You inspire me so much! Well done!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kelly! It's wonderful to have people to walk the journey with too. xo

      Delete
  7. The Le_Meridian Funding Service went above and beyond their requirements to assist me with my loan which i used expand my pharmacy business,They were friendly, professional, and absolute gems to work with.I will recommend  anyone looking for loan to contact. Email..lfdsloans@lemeridianfds.com  Or lfdsloans@outlook.com.WhatsApp ... + 19893943740.

    ReplyDelete

Hi! I love that you are thinking of commenting on my blog. Please do! I love comments :)

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...