Tuesday 19 February 2013

Hello Friends

For the first couple years after my daughter (my first child) was born, I was...lonely. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed her company immensely; I loved being a stay-at-home Mum, but I was lonely for girl friends. I had some beautiful girlfriends from pre-Eliza days - but some lived out of town, and others did not have kids yet. Working full-time, they were not available when I longed for hang out time; and when they were ready to hang out, I was too dang exhausted most of the time. My poor hubby can attest to this. Every so often, I would get all weepy about it. It was something I would hold before God regularly.

Image from here

I have recently realised just how much this situation has changed. Ever so gradually, my prayers were answered. My sisters and I started being more intentional about regular phone dates. This has been such a source of encouragement to me. I have developed some lovely friendships with other mums in my mothers' group. I also started meeting regularly with a close friend for prayer. Other friends from church have had little ones of their own, and we now have a fortnightly catch-up with our kids, where we can share our hearts' burdens and pray together. A couple of my friends from uni have remained good friends, and my friendships with them have grown closer over the years too, as we have gone through some difficult times together. I have grown closer with my sister-in-law. And besides all of these wonderful blessings, I have had the pleasure of meeting some lovely people across the world through Etsy. I have discovered one particular heart sister through Etsy, for whom I thank God every day.

Being a Mum at home does not need to be isolating. What I have learned through each of the friendships I mentioned above is: I AM NOT ALONE. So many of us women struggle with similar issues - body image, pressures from work, guilt, exhaustion, identity or worth issues, juggling work and kids, adjusting to the changes in relationship with partner that accompany having kids. Sometimes we can feel so alone, as if "I am the only person in the world who feels this way". Which can often lead to, "I must be dysfunctional/ unworthy/ inadequate/ not good enough". NOT TRUE!!

Image from here
I believe that we all struggle with feelings of inadequacy from time to time. It is part of being human. As is our desire to hide these feelings! We all hide behind different kinds of masks - this need is part of our drive for self-preservation. Masks can be very healthy and appropriate...but at times, they can actually be rather destructive or at the very least, counter-productive. We can invest so much energy hiding our struggles so that we can appear to have it all together - then fall apart in private, longing for someone to reach out to us.


Sometimes it takes one simple, honest admission of weakness to a friend to let her know that, in fact, SHE is not alone. Perhaps she looks like she has it all together - and perhaps she thinks just the same about you! Let's be brave, hold hands and speak honestly from our hearts about our struggles. We can shoulder the burdens together, and be stronger for it!

4 comments:

  1. Oh, Candy...thank you for such a hopeful and heartfelt reminder of what a gift from God friends are! Spot on with your reminders that we are not alone! It is a joy to call you my Friend!
    xo

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    1. Thanks, my dear Friend! You are truly an inspiration to me xox

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  2. Hello Candy You have written a very honest post. It is hard sometimes to admit that not everything is perfect and it can be hard to be at home with kids and juggle everything that goes with that. It takes courage to share and speak openly about our struggles and challenges. Interesting thing about it is that the struggles change over time as our children grow up and as we grow older. The struggles I had when my two sons were babies are different to the ones I am facing now they are teenagers. To make things worse I am a whole lot older and going through lots of my own changes. Thank you for your post it is good to know we are not alone even if it feels like it sometimes.

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    1. Thanks for your insightful comments, Frieda. I appreciate your encouragement and your honesty. As challenging as young children can be at times, I am trying to be in the moment and not wish any of the time away! I can't even imagine my little ones as teens, but I know that day will come all too quickly!

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